Tag divorce mediation

Nightmares

Today marks the anniversary of one of the worst decisions I ever made – getting a divorce. No, not in the sense that I wish I had stayed with my partner; we had a lot of differences that ended up making staying in the relationship pretty much impossible.

What I’m talking about is going through the process of divorce litigation. When we decided to split up, we actually were in a very amicable and positive place despite knowing we wouldn’t be staying together in the long run. Divorce court changed all of that.

My partner’s lawyers were not there to play soft ball; I made significantly more than them, and their lawyers were dead set on grabbing up as much as my income and our shared assets as possible to increase their payout. Once I saw this start to unfold, I realized that I would need to step up my game or I’d be out of my shirt by the end of the proceedings.

So began a year-long, very nasty court battle over what had started off as a very calm and thoughtful separation. My ex and I’s relationship deteriorated as they let their lawyers run loose, with me blaming them for not having the guts to stand up to them and them taking offense to this and digging in their heels.

After the proceedings wrapped up, we were both worse off than when we began. I was out a significant sum and had lost most of our shared assets, but my ex had spent the majority of the savings and the eventual winnings on paying off their predatory legal team.

I wish we knew then that there was an alternative – family law mediations – that we could have used and saved both our relationship and our money. Unfortunately, I just happened to meet a client of the highest rated mediation firm in Orange County (McNamee Mediations) a few years after the divorce had been finalized.

When I say they are the highest rated, I mean it – both the client I met and the many who left testimonials on the firm’s various social media pages had nothing but positive things to say about McNamee. Special attention goes to the professionalism and level-headedness of the team there that has resulted in many happy divorces – as happy as they can get, anyway.

As a financial planner, I see my clients go through a number of changes in their lives and sometimes it includes a separation/divorce. Mediation is the far better option when dissolving a marriage as it puts a lot less strain not only on the finances but also the emotions of everyone involved. This is where Colleen McNamee stands out. As an attorney-mediator, she is extremely knowledgeable in her field, has two decades of experience, but also truly cares about her clients. Something that cannot be taught in law school is the gift of empathy and caring for others, which translates into achieving fair and equitable results for couples. Thanks to her very strong skill set and the services she’s able to offer, she remains a neutral counsel to both parties throughout the process, and the Agreements she drafts are far superior to any other divorce mediator I have seen! My clients have come out feeling like they were treated fairly, received their equitable shares, and can now move forward with their lives onto their next chapters. – Katerina Hencova, Google Review

Colleen McNamee is the absolute best[!!] When we started out on our journey of going through a divorce, I felt overwhelmed from every direction and had no idea where to begin or what to expect. I’ve heard all the horror stories of things turning ugly and costs rising as the process drags on and on. BUT, I am SO thankful we went with Colleen!! She made the whole process clear, concise, & cost effective. She helped us communicate peacefully and reach an agreement that worked for both parties. She is very professional and yet the kindest human being! [Thank you Colleen from the bottom of my heart for everything!!] – Jess B., Yelp Review

If you and your partner are like me and mine were – recognizing that we’re not meant for each other, but still on good terms and would like to remain that way – do yourself a favor: avoid divorce litigation at all costs. Call McNamee instead, you’ll come out with your relationship changed but (mostly) intact.

McNamee Mediations

+19492233836

4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660

Divorce: Why Do People Cheat?

Cheating is a major social taboo. Those who have been cheated on know firsthand how damaging it can be to them. It is not only an act of betrayal, but it is also more than likely to cause betrayed partners to ask existential questions about themselves. It can ruin somebody’s self-confidence–or worse, it can lead to a divorce that results in suicide.

What are the reasons for cheating? Does everybody have the potential to cheat? Or does it take a special type of individual to do it? 

Reasons Why People Cheat

Experts have determined individual risk factors such as personality, gender, political orientation, and religiosity. 

One contributing factor is disconnection. A sense of disconnection can occur for different reasons. One of the most typical causes of cheating is the feeling that an individual and their partner have moved slowly apart. In this specific scenario, cheating can feel like a coping mechanism in seeking something thrilling and new when their relationship has become foreseeable and familiar. 

People also often utilize the word “love languages” to describe how they show affection and love to one another. Some partners connect more verbally by saying affectionate words, while a few may want to show affection physically by cuddling or kissing. If the love languages differ between each individual within the partnership and are not accounted for, this can leave each individual to feel that their needs are unmet. They may feel unloved and more willing to the love of somebody who seems to know them more. Hence, feeling unloved is a reason why people cheat. 

There are also instances when a partner can begin to feel a bit more like a parent and the other is like a kid, especially if cooperation is absent in the relationship. For instance, one partner may feel they need to be accountable and more mature. That partner may feel like they are the one who organizes the home, manage finances, and makes decisions, while the other does not pull their weight. An affair may then look so tempting so they can feel appreciated and equal. 

Falling out of affection and love can lead to cheating which later leads to divorce. Boredom can lead way to an affair, seeking the excitement of the chase, with passion being connected with newfound excitement and love. Few individuals can find that in their life partner. Therefore, they aren’t seeking a way out of their marriage, but they are seeking a spiced-up experience. The famous sex and relationship therapist Esther Perel discussed why cheating is not the ultimate betrayal. Having difficult conversations from the beginning about commitment and love can help couples steer clear of rocky waters, particularly when it comes to infidelity.  

Woman Playing Chess
Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

Life After Infedility 

Research published by the National Institutes of Health discovered that one partner in eighty-eight percent of couples cited cheating as a contributing factor in divorce. 

If you have recently been cheated on and are seeking a divorce, you may find it difficult to separate on mutual terms. In this case, consider hiring a Divorce Mediator as an alternative to traditional litigation.

Read Alexander M.‘s review of McNamee Mediations on Yelp

The saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” refers to individual motives for cheating; the quality of an individual that makes them more susceptible to cheating. You may not be able to control your partner’s susceptibility to cheating, but you can take control of your life by calling a certified mediator today.

McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660, United States